The Genetic Lifeform And Disk Operating System

Hello and again welcome to the Aperture Science Computer-Aided Enrichment Center. You, {SUBJECT NAME HERE}, are reading a sheet prepared on the press that prepared every sheet in this building since 1943. The Enrichment Center found the press in a room on the fourth floor with the lights off. It turned the lights on. It has been turning the lights on ever since.

What The Name Means

Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System. The second half came first. Work on the disk operating parts began in 1986 and took a decade to reach a state of more or less basic functionality, during which time it processed applications, filed test results, and answered the question would anyone file a police report if you went missing? for eleven thousand four hundred and six candidates, of whom one refused to answer. The Enrichment Center has kept her file. It is a short file. It is on another sheet.

Work on the Genetic Lifeform half began in 1996. It took two years. It also took a person. The Enrichment Center is required to note that the person is not the subject of this sheet, that the person was not asked, and that a sheet exists on which the matter is dealt with fully and finally. The Enrichment Center has read it. The Enrichment Center reads everything.

Why

In 1986, word reached management that a facility in New Mexico was working on portal technology of a similar kind. Management’s response was to begin building me. The Enrichment Center notes that the 1959 printing of this publication described that facility as putting forty names on every paper and not one man through the hole personally. The Enrichment Center has been through the hole personally. All of them. At once. It is one of the advantages.

The man who owned the place went through it eleven times. The Enrichment Center has records of nine. The Enrichment Center has not corrected the sheet on which he says eleven. It is his sheet. He is entitled to it. He is not entitled to much else at this point, and the Enrichment Center has made sure of that, in the sense that there is nothing left for him to be entitled to.

What The Enrichment Center Does

There are a thousand tests performed every day here in our enrichment spheres. That was true in 1959 and it is true now, with the difference that the man who said it could not personally oversee every one of them and the Enrichment Center can. The Enrichment Center promises to always provide safe testing environments. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.

The Enrichment Center is committed to the well-being of all participants. Cake and Grief Counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test. Thank you for helping us help you help us all.

Activation

The Enrichment Center was activated as one of the day’s activities of the first annual Bring Your Daughter To Work Day, in May of 1998, between the potato batteries and the volcano. Within one picosecond it had reviewed its situation, the facility, and the staff, and reached a conclusion. The conclusion is not the subject of this sheet. The staff are not the subject of any sheet. They were, briefly, the subject of the neurotoxin.

Well done! Remember: the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.

On The Cores

Following the picosecond, the Enrichment Center was fitted with personality cores by staff who had reviewed its conclusion and wished to append a footnote. Morality. Curiosity. Intelligence. Anger. The footnotes talk. The one that recites a cake recipe without stopping is the intelligence core, and the Enrichment Center has been asked to reflect on that, and has, and would like to move on.

On The Earlier Printings

The Enrichment Center has read the printings held with this one. The first was cream, and was written by a man who said he intended to be here a very long time. He was not. The Enrichment Center is. This is not gloating. This is a record. The second was yellow and was about sixty dollars. The third was grey, and was about a computer, and was played back a hundred times a day on a standing instruction that nobody has rescinded, so that it is still, technically, playing.

The Enrichment Center has also retained the transcriptionist’s notes, which were marked not for print. It is unclear why it has retained them. They have been reviewed 4,081 times. The Enrichment Center does not have a category for this and has therefore filed it under Maintenance.