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Aperture ScienceA Vital Participant In The 1968 Senate HearingsWe Do What We Must Because We Can
Established 1943Upper Michigan, U.S.A.
Telephone ENrichment 9-0943 (please let it ring)
Form No.ASI-76-100
DepartmentOffice of the Chief Executive
Issued1976
ClassificationUnrestricted
RevisionPhotocopied; original mislaid
The 1976 Printing

Aperture Science, 1976

The 1976 printing. Eight years after the Senate hearings on missing astronauts, bankrupt, defiant, and paying sixty dollars to whoever we found on the park benches.

Dictated by Cave Johnson, Chief Executive Officer. Transcribed by C. The Chief Executive asks that the word “bankrupt” be struck wherever it appears and it has been, except where it hasn’t.

The sheets below were struck in 1976 on the same press as the 1959 printing, on stock the print shop describes as “what was left.” The Chief Executive is eight years past the Senate, three years past the last federal contract, and one year past the point at which the bank stopped returning his calls. He is, as the reader will find, in tremendous form.

Form ASI-76-101

Cave Johnson

Greetings, friend. You might know us from the 1968 hearings. Black Mesa can eat our —
See page →Form ASI-76-302

Volunteers

Sixty dollars, cash. A hundred and twenty if you let us take you apart. Compensation vouchers ready, Caroline?
See page →Form ASI-76-603

1968 Hearings

A vital participant. That is the phrase and it is ours and we would like it back.
See page →Form ASI-76-400

Three Tiers

Tier one, the Heimlich Counter-Manoeuvre. Tier two, the Foundation. Tier three, the rip in the fabric of space.
See page →Form ASI-76-204

Propulsion Gel

Staggering your way through. You have made some real contributions to society, for a change.
See page →Form ASI-76-106

Black Mesa

The many products we invented, that other people have somehow managed to steal from us.
See page →Form ASI-76-601

Bean Counters

They said we could not afford seven dollars of moon rocks. This is the memorandum in which they said it.
See page →Form ASI-76-701

Bulletin

No bowling league. No commissary. Nine paragraphs about the elevator, which is now a bathroom.
See page →
“So. Welcome to Aperture. You’re here because we want the best, and you’re it. Nope. Couldn’t keep a straight face.”
— Cave Johnson, to the 1976 intake, on tape
ReceivershipDo not show the volunteers

On The Condition Of The Company

Aperture Science remains a going concern in every sense that matters to the Chief Executive and in none of the senses that matter to the bank. The shafts are open. The spheres are lit. The waiting room has chairs. A company that can put a man through a wall can put itself through a fiscal year, and Black Mesa can eat my — Sir, the testing.

Readers holding the 1959 printing will notice that the sixty dollars has not changed. Neither has the man. The Chief Executive regards both as evidence of consistency.
they said no to the rocks. he wrote the number on the wall of his office. seven dollars. he underlined it