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Aperture ScienceInnovatorsWe Do What We Must Because We Can
Established 1943Upper Michigan, U.S.A.
Telephone ENrichment 9-0943
Form No.ASI-505
DepartmentPersonnel
IssuedSpring 1959
ClassificationUnrestricted
RevisionMonthly. Status column added at Records' request, 1958.
HonouredSince 1956
Personnel — Second Floor

Employee Of The Month

Instituted in 1956 to recognise, monthly, the man or woman whose work that month the President could not stop talking about. A photograph on the commissary wall, a citation in the Bulletin, and twenty dollars from the tin. Personnel adds a status column, at the request of Records, and asks that it be read straight down.

38Months since institutionMarch 1956
36RecipientsTwo months unfilled
5Received it twiceGreg, four of those
$20From the tinSame tin
23Still on the payrollSee the column

Every month I pick one. It is the easiest decision I make, because every month there is one person in this building who did a thing nobody asked for and it worked, and that is the whole qualification. There is a photograph. There is a citation. There is twenty dollars. I hand it over myself, on the commissary floor, in front of everybody, and I say why.

Records has added a status column to this sheet. Records adds a status column to most things. Records has asked that it be read straight down without my commentary, and I have agreed, because I have read it straight down myself and there is no commentary I would add.

The Roll, 1958 – Spring 1959

Employee of the month, sixteen months, with present status per Records

Employee of the month, sixteen months, with present status per Records
MonthRecipientDepartmentCitationPresent status
Jan 1958R. KowalskiMachine shopBuilt a thing on a Thursday that was asked for on a FridayOn the payroll
Feb 1958GregReactor roomCleaned the reactor roomOn the payroll
Mar 1958E. PikeGate houseColumns agreed, thirty-one nightsOn the payroll
Apr 1958M. DuboisMaterialsExtinguished bench four with his coatOn the payroll. Coat not.
May 1958L. TremblayApplied SciencesTrial 58-006. See ASI-401.File closed. No date.
Jun 1958GregReactor roomCleaned the reactor roomOn the payroll
Jul 1958The steno poolThird floorEleven at night, all of them, againOn the payroll. All of them.
Aug 1958———No recipient. No explanation on file.
Sep 1958H. LindqvistFacilitiesThe fourth surveyLeft without notice, October
Oct 1958GregReactor roomCleaned the reactor roomOn the payroll
Nov 1958A. FerreiraSubstrate millTurned the President away at the mill doorOn the payroll. Raised.
Dec 1958The commissarySub-Level 1The pieOn the payroll
Jan 1959J. OkaforOperationsChamber 8, eleventh of March, stayed at his postOn the payroll. Transferred at his request.
Feb 1959GregReactor roomCleaned the reactor roomOn the payroll
Mar 1959———No recipient.
Apr 1959Margaret, age 11Science fairThe potatoStill functioning

Greg’s citation is the same every time because Greg’s work is the same every time and it is the only work in this building that has never once failed.

August 1958 has no recipient and no explanation. Personnel has asked the President three times. The President has said, three times, that August was August.
“Greg. Again. It is always going to be Greg some of the time, and the month it stops being Greg is the month we should all be worried.”
— Cave Johnson, handing over the February 1959 award

On Greg

Four times. Nobody else has had it twice. The Bulletin has printed three letters about it and the answer to all three is the same: Greg cleans the reactor room, the reactor room is the one room in this building that has to be clean and has to be clean every day, and in five years it has been clean every day, and that is a record no other person on this payroll can match.

He was down there before the reactor was. He has been asked to explain that and has not. Personnel has no start date for him and has stopped looking. He was reassigned once, to the mantid gallery, for a week, and was reassigned back, and neither Greg nor the mantids will say what happened, and both were fine.

Verifying personnel file…

Thirty-six photographs. Twenty-three still here. He knows the number. He said August was August and then he did not say anything for the rest of the afternoon. — C.

Employee of the monthCommissary Wall — This MonthThe Drawer Is Not For Viewing
Margaret, age eleven, is the first recipient in the honour’s history who is not on the payroll. The President has said she will be, and has named the year, and Personnel has opened a file.

Form ASI-505. Citations are reprinted in the Aperture Bulletin. Twenty dollars is paid from the gate house tin under the same terms as Form ASI-306, which is to say in cash, the same day, whether or not the recipient is there to receive it.

may 1958. look at the photograph. look behind him. he is behind himself