The Aperture Bulletin
Spring 1959. Seven astronauts, one telegram each; Shaft 09 in its first full quarter; the commissary open again under a new ceiling; the bowling league; the personals; and a word, which the President has asked to be printed fourth and not first, about the noise from Sub-Level 4.
April 9
Seven Astronauts Named; President Cables All Seven
The National Aeronautics and Space Administration this month announced the seven men who will fly for the United States, and within the hour the President had cabled every one of them personally, unprompted, offering sixty dollars and an afternoon in Test Shaft 09.
“Astronauts, war heroes, Olympians,” the President told the Bulletin. “I have been saying it at the head of that shaft for five years and this is the first April in which the word has meant anybody in particular. I want all seven. I will settle for one.”
One reply has been received. It was courteous. It was no. The President has had it framed and it hangs in the outer office, where Caroline has stopped moving it.
March 11
Shaft 09 Completes First Quarter
Test Shaft 09, opened four months early on the eleventh of March, has completed its first quarter with sixty-two chambers in service, fourteen Enrichment Spheres numbered from the base, and an elevator that Operations describes as “reliable, eleven minutes, do not press it twice”. Chamber 8 was sealed on the twelfth and reopened on the twelfth, and Operations has posted it as In Service since.
February 2
Commissary Reopens Under New Ceiling
Following the incident, and following the second incident, the Sub-Level 1 commissary reopened on the second of February with an entirely new ceiling and the same menu. Coffee remains five cents. Pie remains Thursday. The Materials Department has been asked to take its lunch elsewhere and has agreed to take it on the third floor, where the ceiling is also new.
Ongoing
A Word About Sub-Level 4
Personnel on Aperture Row have written to the Bulletin, three of them, about a noise from Sub-Level 4 after the six o’clock whistle. The Computation Department wishes it known that the machine is not running after six; that neither attendant is on the night shift; that the relay room is locked; and that the tape has nevertheless advanced eleven feet on four nights this quarter. Personnel are asked to stop writing.
Bowling League — Standings at the close of the winter season
| Pos. | Team | W | L | Note |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Machine Shop Ironmen | 22 | 4 | Fourth title |
| 2 | Gate House (E. Pike) | 20 | 6 | Team of one. Bowls both lanes. |
| 3 | Materials Dept. Rapid Oxidation | 18 | 8 | Renamed in March |
| 4 | Steno Pool | 17 | 9 | Play at eleven at night |
| 5 | Applied Sciences Apertures | 14 | 12 | Not doors |
| 9 | Marine Division | 9 | 17 | One player. Ninth for the third year. |
| 14 | Legal | 1 | 25 | Three players. All objected. |
Fourteen teams. The Reactor Room did not field a team; Greg bowls for nobody and has been asked.
Personals
LOST. One storage cube, weighted, standard issue, marked on each face in grease pencil. Last seen Sub-Level 6. Sentimental value. Reward. Do not incinerate. — Box 41.
FOR SALE. Helmet, one. Never worn by the present owner. Enquire at the gate house. — Volunteer 2,884.
WANTED. Fourth for the Marine Division bowling team. Must have own shoes. Must not ask about the boat. — Box 1.
NOTICE. The Commissary is not baking a cake. The Commissary has never baked the cake. Please stop asking the Commissary about the cake. — Commissary.
Personnel
Welcome To The Company
The Bulletin welcomes this quarter’s new hires: R. Anand, Applied Sciences; M. Osei, Machine Shop; two to the Steno Pool who have asked not to be named until they have survived a night dictation; H. Bergström, Substrate Mill; and D. R., department not stated. Personnel has been asked about the blank and has said it is being looked into.
Safety
Safety Reminder
Personnel are reminded that the wall panels in the service corridors bolt from the outside, that a panel found bolted from the inside is to be reported and not opened, and that Maintenance has painted four this quarter and would like that to be the last of it.
Cave — the astronaut item is fine. The Sub-Level 4 item is fine fourth. The pulled item is in my drawer with the standing type and I would like it left there. — C.