And Then, Cake
At the conclusion of the final test, every volunteer of the Aperture Science Enrichment Center is invited to the commissary for refreshment, congratulation, and cake. This has been the standing arrangement since 1953 and no volunteer has ever been denied it.
The Enrichment Center believes that a man who has spent an afternoon being flung across a chamber by a plate has earned something with sugar in it. This is not a bonus, a bribe, or an inducement. It is what a decent company does.
What The Commissary Offers
Commissary standing menu, Sub-Level 1, all shifts
| Item | Available | To Personnel | To Volunteers |
|---|---|---|---|
| Coffee | All hours | $0.05 | Free |
| Sandwich, egg | 0600–1400 | $0.35 | Free |
| Sandwich, unspecified | 1400–2200 | $0.30 | Free |
| Milk | Until it goes | $0.10 | Free |
| Pie | Thursdays | $0.25 | Free |
| Cake | At the conclusion of the final test | — | Free |
Prices held since 1953 by order of the President, who regards a commissary that turns a profit as a commissary that has misunderstood its job.
“Cake and Grief Counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.”
The Cake Itself
The Enrichment Center celebration cake is prepared to a standing order held by the commissary since 1953. It is chocolate. It has a candle in it. The commissary has been asked not to publish the full ingredient list on the grounds that it is a trade matter, and the commissary has complied, and the commissary would like it recorded that it complied with some relief.
- Type
- Chocolate
- Candles
- One. Always one.
- Standing order since
- 1953
- Volunteers promised
- 4,118
- Volunteers who reached the conclusion
- 1,306
- Cakes issued
- 0
- Cakes baked
- 0
- Tins on hand
- One. Empty. Clean. Dated 1953.
Interoffice Memorandum
This is the fourth time we have written. We are not complaining about the work. We would bake four hundred cakes tomorrow and we would be glad to.
We are asking to be told what to do when a volunteer comes down here at the end of an afternoon and asks for the cake he has been promised in every chamber all day. There is no procedure for that. We have been making it up for four years and we are not good at it.
Either send us the order or take it out of the announcement. Please. Either one.
NOTICE POSTED IN THE COMMISSARY, HANDWRITTEN, UNDATED:
“If a volunteer asks about the cake, do not say no. Sit him down. Give him the pie. The pie is real.”
I have asked him about this six times. He says the same thing every time: “There will be cake.” He is not lying. That is what worries me. — C.
Form ASI-307. References in Aperture Science Innovators publications to a cake are promotional in character. See Form ASI-900, clause IV, which the commissary has read and which the commissary would like everyone to know it did not write.